French text books are for homeless people.

Hello.
Hi. My name is... No.
I like wine and cheese!
Honk.?
Christmas time?
Sorry. I have not been on here so long, I don't even remember how to start one of these anymore.
 I have a friend who drinks all of her liquids out of a bowl. What is wrong with that picture you may ask? Nothing, stop being rude. Christmas is in two days, and you can bet I'm going to go "Christmas shopping" two hours before Christmas morning. And by Christmas shopping of course I mean that I will be taking things of my family, that they already own, and wrap them up and give it back to them, letting them think I bought them stuff, when really, it was there stuff to begin with. Clever on my part if I do say so myself. I decided that my new comeback to everything that is about my mom is "my mom is scrapbooking". I someday hope to be like my mom because she is the coolest person I know. She has a scrapbooking group of friends that meet every tuesday, and just scrap. That is pure coolness if you ask me. I want to be just like her.

Pocahontas killed Santa

I <3 SCRAPBOOKING

Wait...i forgot what i was going to say...

So I have not gotten here in like twenty million years. I miss it. So I signed on the blog to say stuff, and I forgot what I was going to say. And I have been busy. But I will attempt to get on here more. No promises though. So I have a friend that I will call B.B. Gun. Why? That's for me to know, and for you to never figure out. We were talking on facebook and I explained to her that I was eating a Ring Pop, a joyful kid's sucker treat. She thought ring pop said "ring poop." And so began the craziest conversation of my life. Well, not really. But it was fun. B.B. Gun and I are now partners in the soon to be successful business of "Ring Poops." Coming to a store near you.
School is beginning to settle into our daily lives after about 5 months. I don't know about you, but I'm still not used to getting up early every day. I prefer to go to the "orthodontist" and just come in late. It always works.
So Christmas is coming up soon, people, so that means you need to buy all those gifts that look expensive but really aren't because we all know you are cheap. I know every year I set aside some money to buy presents with, then see something I want to buy, and am left about ten dollars for all the other people. So just do what I do, and just say it's a personal joke gift. Except what the receipient doesn't know is the joke is that you really have no money. One time I got regifted, and I knew right away that someone else received this gift already. It was ripped and smelly. So I looked at the person who gave me this gift, and I asked if someone killed Santa in front of him as a child. He didn't answer.

Dinosaur chicken nuggets...

Hello. My name is A-Dub. And I will be talking today about random crapp. I don't know if any of you are planning on going shopping on Black Friday, but I sure do. I have a usual routine that happens every year. I go with my mom and my sister, we head out around 5 pm on Thanksgiving. We go here and there, and after about ten minutes I get cold and I go hide in the car from all the bad people. This year though, I am deteremined to knock down some old ladies. I plan to take my "turkey" carving knife, and stab whoever will take my spot in line. No, I am not violent. Just determined. I am very thankful for everything that I get during Thanksgiving. For instance, I am grateful that I do not like turkey, and the national meal of thanksgiving is turkey. I am happy that my cousins always try to pee on me during the meal. I am thankful that I always fall asleep during the game. I am thankful that I gain 250 pounds after the holidays and I have to go run it off at basketball. Yupp, very thankful. During health, we were watching joint breaks and injury videos. L.G. is not that great at taking gross things, so she went to go roam the hallways duringn the videos. So naturally I sent her on a mission to go get me chips out of the vending machines. I didn't see this, but I think this is how her mission went"
Bumm bumm bummm BATMAN!!! (L.G. for short)
She goes and gets the chips. Gasp! there is a llama in the vending machine. she kicks the machine until the llama goes back to mexico. she grabs the chips, jumps over the ocean of lava. and gets back to health class safely.
So this Thanksgiving, thank someone and hug a mexican llama.
I plan to celebrate it traditionally, by inviting all my neighbors, eating a feast together, then killing them and taking their land. :)

Yeah, you're pretty old..

The song "Dinosaur" by Kesha helped me remember when I was a little kid, and still cared about "helping the world", and how I would go to an old folk's home, which always brought random adventures. One time, it was Valentine's day, and being the perfect little kid I was, I went out to hand out the flowers to the old people. One of them smelled like urine, while the other one decided that  I looked just like his wife, that was deceased, when they got married. It was oddly creepy, but not knowing at the time that he was assaulting me, I just went with it as a third grader. Ahhhhh little kids "helping."
A couple of years ago I decided that I should not be a mother. Part of it may be that I think about throwing away those plastic babies they give out in classes every time they start crying. Like I said, kids are like a four year commitment. They are like those ideas you have where you think they are a great idea, and then all of a sudden you wish you never did it. Kids are attacking each other also. They have these clubs now that you can take your kid there and they just fight other kids. Wait...no, they are not called fight clubs......what are those things...ugh I can't think of it... Wait! No! They are called Toddler Pageants. I love watching those things. All those little girls and boys dressing up and wearing fake hair and teeth. I can't help it, I just love watching them. It's like looking at what happened to Lindsay Lohan and Brittany Spears BEFORE the drug pocession and that whole shaving her hair thing. Which I believe will be coming into fashion very soon.

Do you pee on schedule?

Today  I was informed that I eat Twix candy bars like a mentally challenged seal. It's not even funny. What I do is I eat all the caramel off the top and eat the chocolate wafer stick thing. It is quite delicious. I was having a fun discussion with this girl from my math class. I informed her that I needed to go to the restroom. So I continued to explain to her how I hate teachers that don't let you go to the restroom in their room more than once a week. I drink lots of water a day, about 3 bottles throughout the school day. Now I don't know if I am a freak or something, but when I drink liquids, other liquids seem to like to partake in that activity, if you know what I mean. I go up to the teacher sometimes, and simply ask to go to the restroom, and she informs me that I went yesterday in that class. I enthusiastically answered this way:
"Oh I went pee yesterday? Oh I didn't know that I was only supposed to go pee once a week. I guess I can just hold it and become dehydrated. It's cool, I still love you."
Just so you know, my birthday is coming up. I am planning to have it at a women's prison. So you are all invited. Bring your shanks, though, it's kill your own food night and we will be making our own customizable license plates!

I have Name Dignity

If you have seen or not, (porbably not, because no one reads it) on what I THOUGHT was the anti- pickle juice blog (http://nowapopjuice.blogpsot.com/ ) is now YOURMOM.com. I was almost disappointed with this but then was overjoyed for three reasons. One; I have what I would like to call name dignity, where I pick a name, and I stick with it. (besides that mishap where I went through three names throughout a year, but you know how that witness protection program is) I am not going to sink low, where since I decided no one likes my blog, I'll just change it in hopes of more viewers. Now, K-Dawg is a semi lovely person, but everyone loves my name so I will just stick with my dignity thank you! Reason two: Pickles are good. And my personal favorite, choice three. I realized even though the name of the blog has been changed, the url has not. It is still related to the old name of the blog. So hahaha. How do you like them magical leprechauns that go in and mess up other people's blogs!
I have decided that whenever I mess up on something, or say something odd, I will just explain to everyone around me that I am really a ninety year old women and at last, am senile. I feel like that would be a good explanation to everything. aksdjfkasdjf whoops, sorry I'm senile. Oh, I knocked over your drink? Sorry, I'm senile. What? I hit your kid with a two food long italian breadstick? That's actually not because I am senile, your kid fell over, and scraped his knee, asked for a bandaid, I didn't like the sass he was giving me, so I hit him with bread. I don't think that means I am senile, neccessarily.

Animal Crackers in My Soup!

Have you ever noticed that when you eat animal crackers, the eyes are literally watching you eat them. You go in to bite their little adorable edible heads off and they are watching you. It's like they enjoy seeing you eat them or something. That can only mean one thing: Animal Crackers are a self absorbed food and only care about themselves.
So today my L.G. ( i know! i haven't talked about her in a while) and I were talking, and we decided that I am joining the circus and she is joining with me. We shall ride on bears, and pet elephants majestically. It will be pretty chill. L.G. and I have a friend in common which I shall call S-Dawg. S-Dawg and I were talking in the hallway and we began to plan on how we would kidnap L.G. for no particular reason. I drew up a plan, very detailed with stick people, and here it goes!:
Step Numero Uno: Grab L.G.
Number 2: Stick her in a potato sack with her name on it, then crossed out, and draw a money sign on it to make it not look suspicious.
Number 3 to 3 1/2: Take her to a rainbow, where a pot of gold and a Leprechaun will be waiting for her and to have a dance party.
It's a pretty well thought out plan.

Ahh the Adventures of Hobo-ism

So our field trip/adventure was today! It was uber fun. Except with all fun things, you know you will get hit on by random creepy men which probably only have three toes. Our field trip was at a public library, so naturally some homeless people were going to be there during our field trip.I had a buddy I was going around with, and at a point I thought she was carrying my books for me. We go up to check out, and I realized she did not grab my books. (yeah she is a horrible person now) Anyways, I just said I would go speedy quick and grab them myself. I go grab them, naturally I am tired by taking 3 stairs, so I took the elevator to the floor of choice. Right before the doors close, a guy in baggy sweats and a flamboyant t-shirt came in. He said Hey and I replied with a polite "What do you want, Creep?" (that is A-Dub's way of saying hello in the correct manner.) He asked me what school I was from, and I again politely answered. He replied with a "cool, i'm a senior at excelsior springs." Now, this guy in the elevator looked to be about thirty. It is very reassuring to know that there are 30 year-olds, still in high school, on a school day, were hanging out at the library. Very good day for me.
I had another fun adventure! We got to go to a food court for lunch, which has a starbucks. I made a drug deal with a guy friend, that I would get us both coffee, if he ordered my lunch for me. So he told me his coffee order, and I was on my way. After getting over the starbucks bartender lusting after me, I orded my drink in which he replied with a short ok. Then, I ordered the guy's drink: A caramel frappucino, no whipped cream, extra espresso. The bartender asked if I was ordering for another girlfriend of mine. I said "No, just a guy." The starbucks guy replied with an awkward "......oh....okk" Its lovely to know that there are some men in the world that order girlier and possibly more Lady Gaga like drinks. Way to go guys, way to show your manness.

Don't buy those cheap flowers

Today, my friend and I were going to go out for basketball. I explained to her that since it was the first day of try outs, they would probably try to kill us to knock off the weak ones. So therefore, she and I are going to plan and fake our own deaths to get out of running in basketball. I have every detail planned out. I will have a dance party funeral with strobe lights. Queen Latifah will be the minister. 58 1/2 people will be at my funeral. And my casket will be red velvet with purple flairs. All good to go. Oh, and then when they are lowering me into the ground, parachute fireworks will be set and go off. And my sister has said that at my funeral she will sing "ding dong the witch is dead".....

New Rival Blog Stands NO chance

Check out this nub's new blog. It's supposed to be hatin' on me, but honestly, K-Dawg loves me. With a passion. htpp://nowapopjuice.blogspot.com/

Let the dissing begin...

Hi. I am the best friend of the writer, but her blog holds no interest for me. I am thinking about starting a blog that disses hers... and no it's not just a publicity stunt. When I talk about the writer I will call her A Dub. A Dub is at my house, and I am pretty sure she is high. She repeatedly tells me how she doesn't need a man because she has her L.G. AWKWARD. So I am the first not A Dub to write on this blog. Is that an honor? I'm not so sure, because this blog is pretty weird. If a weirdo writes it, you must be a weirdo if you're reading this. That's right weirdo. Not to offend anyone or anything... no please take the offense. It makes my life more fun. A Dub and I went to the musical last night. She kept making advances on me. I was kind of freaking out. She also makes fun of my speaking. It's very very cruel. You know what, K-dawg, this is A-Dub. I told you to stay off my blog while I was on skype. And what do you do? you go on MY blog, put YOUR feelings, and inappropriate gestures, and insult the A-Dub name. this has been the last time you will be on my blog. you are banned. and you have to do and drink a lot to be banned off my blog. heck, i haven't even been banned yet and look at me. I practically buy wine at quiktrip everyday.

Chickens have feelings too.

Today, some girls in my school were having a friendly discussion about which one of them is a lying backstabbing cheater. Friendly. I could not take any of them seriously, so I naturally joined in on the conversation. I replied with "REALLY??!?!?"s and many "WHATTTT??!?!"s, and I feel like it went well. My L.G. proceeded to same dirogatory terms about them. That was the best part of the conversation, naturally. I was watching a video about nutrition, which is nonstop action, and there was a lady on there talking about how diets didn't work for her. She said that once she would start eating a lot again, she would gain weight. Now she must have some strange condition, because I have never heard of gaining weight from eating food....
I spend a great deal of my day eating, and on Facebook. Yes, I have checked into a Facebook Addiction Support Group. They just threw paper and me and yelled and hurt my feelings. So I will continue to be addicted to facebook. I enjoy liking every single thing on my friends' pages. They obviously love getting 82 notifications. Who doesnt? Cher. That's who. Have you noticed that any word with 3D after it sounds amazing? Movie in 3D. Monsters in 3D. Toilets in 3D. Disease in 3D. They all sound pretty awesome to me.

10/27/2010 7:53 pm

Today I was delighted to see that you can purchase wine from Quiktrip. All that convenience teamed up with being able to get gasoline? Sounds like a classy situation to me. I mean, after filling up my car, grabbing 3 snickers, and a Coke, I feel like a need a bottle of nice wine. Where else would I go except QuikTrip? What put me into a little paroxym is I saw a 5 year-old looking at that shelf of wine. I could not care less that she probably has another three to four years before she will start drinking, I was worried that she might take all the good stuff. So I promptly went up to her, said back off of my wine, and sent her on her way with a nice shove from my muddy boot. Sometimes I look at mothers with three or four kids and just think why? I can clearly see that kids are at least a five year commitment, more so if you are looking to not get arrested, but why would you give up party time to have a three year old spit on your face, while your two year old is throwing its poo at the dog? You know what? Sign me up for a three year subscription to Sesame Street on tv. That sounds wonderful.

10/25/2010 8:27 pm

I have one thing to say today. My sister asked me if I really had a blog or if I just had an internal blog which I made with my mind....

10/24/2010 7:33 pm

Today, I realized that those SmartOnes ready to eat frozen meals, have decided to take upon the task of personally attacking me. I love their Italian Calzones, and guess what they decided to start taking off the shelves? MY calzones. I have nothing to live for. Hey, Hot Pockets, you might as well thank SmartOnes for making me join your business to fulfill my pizza cravin' needs. You know what beats all of you stinkin' pizza making jobs? Popcorn chicken. The chicken is saying ha in your faces right now.
I went to Burger King the other day, wearing my sunglasses. I was feelin pretty steady tight, when I walked up to the register to order. The cashier dude said nice sunglasses and continued to hit me in the face causing the glasses to come off. He ran and picked them up and ran away. My first thought was maybe he didn't really work at Burger King, but his flashing glow in the dark Sketchers begged to differ. Perhaps this situation did not happen, but I did break my sunglasses at a Burger King, so I would like to post an ad.
WANTED: TIZZIGHT SUNGLASSES
Please help me. I am in dire need.

10/22/2010 9:20 pm

I decided that I am going to purposefully fail at homework, so therefore life, if my parents don't get me a laptop for Christmas. I am not saying that I am a spoiled brat, but I think that my education depends on this. In my house, we have a little nook thingamabob that connects with the living room. The computer is in that nook thing, so therefore all noise travels to the computer. I often have homework and am one of those people who get distracted by constant noise during homework then get my anger out by throwing things at my dog. She is so far okay with it, but just does not realize it yet. Today, I was asked how to kill a zombie. Of course I said the real way, beat it with a rolling pin, stab it with a pitch fork, kick it in the shin, yell "Rip off artist!", then run away. I think that is the only way to do it.... yupp! that's the only way to do it. If I ever become famous, I'm going to act a special way. If I see a fan that is obviously not fitting in with the others, I will go up to them, give them a hug, make them pay for that hug, then sell the picture of us hugging to Us Weekly for lots of money, and claim that that big tub of lovin' micky d's follower is my new boyfriend. I learn from the best. Thanks, Britney S. Pears.
:)

10/21/2010

Today, I decided that I should become a hobo. End of story. You know what's annoying? Little kids! I went to a concert once where this little girl was in front of me. She would not stop singing. sorry kid, but if I wanted to hear a bad off key song I would go to a Miley Cyrus concert. It's funny how half the songs kids sing these days, they have no clue what they mean. Why yes, Sally, spin my head right round is about a merry go round! Schools should offer snack time during classes. I get hungry often, and start chewing on some random guy's leg and before I know it, eaten the whole leg and went wayy over my calorie in take for the day. I love talking to L. G. during the day. We have the most random conversations about tye dyed socks and Russia. But you guys are just jealous you can't represent Russia. Straight up. I have been busy lately being a hobo and can't get on my blog much. I am deeply saddened and promised myself I would not cry. I shall make a bigger effort but you know how us hobos are. Unreliable and painstakingly gorgeous :)

10/19/2010 9:04 pm

I have a serious problem with procrastination. I need to go to a support group or something. I am seriously endangering myself. It takes me so long to get on projects that I actually was excited for a full two seconds to do, then reality kicks in. Here is how my cycle of super procrastination goes: 1. Get project assignment. 2. Get excited for 3.8 seconds. 3. Decide that the project is too big to do, throw away the rubric and break out the Reeses peanut butter cups. 4. Realize that that project was important for some class, fish it out of the trash. 5. Do an okay job on the project, promise myself to do better, then promise myself not to get expectations for myself too high, because most likely I will disappoint. Why get expectations so high, when there is someone else who can do a better job, AND make it look so much more fantasmagical? I heard the other day that the age that you start getting cranky and being all old person ghetto is age 52. Unlike most people, I am not dreading becoming old. Simply because I am Benjamin Button's sister, Bennita. I am really an old person inside. Well not really.....I just can bond with old people so well. I love playing bingo, and thoroughly looking forward to being able to hit little kids with my cane, while throwing apples at them for Halloween. Which brings me to another topic. We need to have a serious discussion about something. Please, please, I am begging you not to be the person giving out the toothbrushes or denture creams to little kids for Halloween. I have been on the recieving side of those things, and let me tell you something. Little kids do not like denture cream or toothbrushes. But then again, who am I to judge? Have a ball, 6- year old Jimmy, making that snowman out of that denture cream! My personal favorite of a Halloween treat was the classic M&Ms because they were simply so easy to pelt at my sister. I also enjoyed cheating the kids from my trick or treat group by making obvious stupid trades. Why in the world would you want a stupid fake eyeball gum drop, instead of a King Size Crunch bar? Kids these days are obviously not playing monopoly enough. They don't get how to cheat people out of things. I am disappointed with little kids anymore. When I was growing up, I knew how to con someone in two seconds. Heck,I still remember learning how to pick pocket. Kids these days, here is a message to you: find a bum, get taught how to con people, and go out and get your King Size Crunch bars this Halloween. :)

10/18/2010 7:14 pm

Today, my L.G. informed me that her name does not make sense. Her name is Love Nugget. Where did the G in L.G. come from....? I had no clue what to say to her, so I just ran in a lopsided motion from her. But I cannot change it to L.N. because that would just change our whole friendship. So it's L.G. It stands for Love Nugget. Get it right.
I have always wanted a pet besides a dog or a pet. I decided that a pet lobster would be an appropriate pet. It's red for goodness sakes! How could you not want one?! I would name him Westchester, in memorial of my pony whose name was also Westchester. I have never really been successful with pets because they seem to all hate me and enjoy using my face for a chew toy. When I swat them with the nearest thing, (usually a remote or taquito) they seem to get mad and run away. So I have an aversion to pets now. But I sitll would like a lobster. He could be my new best friend.
I have decided that Hot Pockets can fulfill all of my needed nutrients. If you have never had a Hot Pocket, you might has well quit life now. Because if you have never had one, you obviously are not right in the mind, where I would suggest you go to a psychiatrist. Hot Pockets are amazing. I would make all of my friends hot pockets if I could. I have an extreme devotion to them. And lobsters.
:)

10/17/2010 7:59 pm

Thank God my computer has a clock on it. Or else I would have no clue what the day is. Or the time. I thought it was important to say that I have no sense of time or stability. I think it is funny how no one I know personally takes me serious. I was at the grocery store with my sister. She needed peanut butter. I told her they sold out to the mustard company, and that they will no longer be providing her peanut butter. She then continued to tell me stop acting like a three year old like normal and went to go get some of the good Jiffy stuff. You know what is an adult meal? A lunchable. You get like five things in those. One of those can feed me and keep me stuffed for a full ten minutes before I need more food. All of my friends know of my constant need for food. It's not an obsession. It's simply a relationship with things I eat. Again, not an obsession. Clearly.
Today, my L.G. informed me that she was traumatized by a herd of bugs that attacked her. I enjoyed hearing about this deeply and slightly suggested to her that maybe the bugs were all trying to combine as one to form a Megatron and attack her, then take over Tokyo. She, like always, did not take me seriously. L.G. and I have a special friendship. Let me review some of our best friendship moments:
x She was throwing up in a bathroom, while she stole my ponytail holder, and I yelled at her to shut up so I could hear Chelsea Lately while eating Sour Patch Kids happily. She yelled at me. Again.
x I often take things of hers that she still to this day does not know that I have taken. True friendship. (:
x I often yell at her for doing things that she cannot help like getting attacked by bugs.
I have seriously considered euthanization for my little L.G., but then was sadly disappointed when I looked it up and realized it was not legal in my area and or would be frowned upon if I did that. So I guess I will just keep her  until she either shows a useful trait or as a person that I can talk to about anything...I'm gonna go with the first option...If not, I will reevaluate our friendship and throw pumpkin cake at her. Happily. This is our friendship. I love it, but mostly just make fun of it.
:)

10/16/2010 12:10 pm

Today my mother made me help her clean her car out. I see this as a personal attack, as well as a form of child labor, and yes, child labor is still present today. Just take into notice about those 31 or whatever men in the coal mine. Child labor, perfect example. I just so happen to have a dog. A girl dog. So you know she is going to be a rebel by being overly sassy. She decided today that while I was cleaning the car, she would jump in and relieve herself in the exact spot that I had just cleaned. Thank you stupid useless dogs everywhere. You know what is a great way to raise money by getting money from idiots? That Monopoly game at McDonalds. That is mucho genius. I mean, obviously they get a bunch of 38-year olds that are hoping to win money by buying 12 large french fries in the span of a day. This plan is only smart for two businesses. One: Duh, McDonalds. (now that they are ripping money off from Starbucks with their new McCafe line. Oh, and newsflash nubs, it's only 30 cents cheaper than Starbucks. Way. To. Go.) Business numero two: Weight Watchers. Watch out, Weight Watchers, you're going to be recieving about 1.3 million new members due to the McDonalds Monopoply game. You stay classy, Micky D's.
:)

10/15/2010 11:59 pm

Have you ever seen those Laughing Cow Cheese commercials that continuously ask you if you have laughed today? Well I have news for you, Mr. Laughing Cow, I have not laughed today because I naturally hate the sound of children's laughter, and I am a spiraling black hole of depression. Okay, so that may not be true. Blame tin can awareness for that. Today is National White Cane day. I can't even begin to comment on this because I don't know if they are addressing blind people or not. Let's make this clear next time, National Day makers. The Social Network is a great movie, although it has it's slow times. I tried to tell the creator of Facebook, Mark Zucherberg, that Facebook was a stupid idea, and that it would venture and grow into nothing. I was outstandingly right. I know maybe 2 1/2 people who know what I mean when I talk about Facebook. Obviously, Facebook was not a success, but I still advise you to look it up because it does help waste approxiametely 3 hours of your daily life everyday. Today, while I was talking to my Love Nugget, she informed me that she only remembers about 3% of our daily conversations. I was glad to know that she took such interest in us talking, and she was glad to know that if she didn't start making a real contribution to repartees that she would be shunned and thrown goats at. It's a win win situation in my mind. I have to stop talking today because some of us have the very serious job of going garage saling at 7:00 am. And that is legit.

10/15/2010 5:00 pm

Today I was talking with my friend, which I nicknamed "Love Nugget." We were talking about my life long dream of having a talk show. This is clearly because my family expects everything out of my older sister who is aspiring to be a doctor, while I have acquired the dream of being paid to eat Pizza Hut Calzones while watching t.v. simultaneously. My Love Nugget (L.G. for short and laziness reasons) were talking about how I would go about getting a talk show. L.G. suggested becoming an Oprah like figure. I decided that road was not for me. Too intimidating naturally. Obviously, I could go down the model road any time I wished, but I decided that the fame and fortune would eventually get boring. Duh. So my only option left was to vent my furious feelings into a blog that is anonymous so that I don't get stalked. Again. Thanks a lot, Hannah Montana. I told you I would put that restraining order against you. Oh, I promised you. Next time, try to fight the Climb of security.
:)